Choose a Better Life

My husband and I had lunch with a woman, Olalah, from our area whom we met through an online social media site.  Within a few minutes we knew there was an affinity for each other so when my husband had to get back to work, my new friend and I stayed for an hour or so longer getting to know each other.

Our conversation covered many topics including, family, work, vision, faith and authenticity.  One of the things we shared in common is that when getting to know someone new, neither of us likes to focus on the person’s job.  “That is what they DO, it is not the WHO of who they are” she said.  I couldn’t agree more.

So often when we first meet someone regardless of whether it is a business function or a social event we ask, “So, what do you do?”  We immediately delve into the person’s job and how they make a living.  This is understandable because many of us tie our self worth into our professions.  But, our professions are just a portion of who we are.

At the most basic of levels I am an author, speaker, and consultant.  But I am also a wife, mother, daughter and sister.  And more than that, I am a woman of faith who enjoys many hobbies, travel, and adventure.  I have dreams and goals and love to try new things.  I also have struggles and challenges.  All this and more goes into the Who of who I am.

I think of lyrics from The Who’s song “Who Are You.”   Part of the chorus says:

Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

All too often we spend such an enormous amount of time developing the Do in our lives that we forget about the Who.  We have career goals and benchmarks that we agonize over and strive toward.   In and of themselves career goals are not a bad thing.  But, when we allow that to be the focus of our lives we miss out on so much more.

When I was in college my goal was to have a corner window office.  I didn’t care where that office was, I just wanted what it signified … success.  By the time I was in my mid-twenties I had that office.  It was over 200 square feet and in a prime office park.

Like many others, what I soon realized was that the office, my Do, was not giving me the satisfaction I had desired.  In fact, I was bored with my job and began looking for something else within a year or so.

But, in the years that followed, as I began developing my Who, my Do was not nearly as significant and self-defining as it once was.  Good thing.  A few years later my husband and I lost our consulting business in a business deal that went bad and I lost my Do completely.  I was unemployed.  It was a challenging time, but I realized my Who and my character was what would remain with me.

And it is your Who and your character that will always remain with you long after your career has ended.

Choose a Better Life by being equally, if not more, passionate about developing your Who as you are your Do.  And as you get to know new people focus on Who they are and share Who you are rather than your professions.  Your relationships will be more authentic, rewarding, and sustainable as you dig deeper into each other’s character.